I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
