I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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