I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you traded sex for a burrito?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
not ubering you a puppy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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