im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
