my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
