you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I will pee on everything he values.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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