Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
