when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
