They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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