Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I met the friendliest cop last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
