bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
