Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
