My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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