those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize