so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
