like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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