Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
