I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
