i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
