Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
