My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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