its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
