I hope mine doesn't look like that
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
