apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
