I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
