I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
