Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
