Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is the high leading the old right now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize