So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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