I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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