I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
