i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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