she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
