I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
