i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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