it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
