there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
