Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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