This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
