Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
