Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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