dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
