Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
