the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
