Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
