i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
