We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize