Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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