I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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