Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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