Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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