i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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