One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
