is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
