his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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