community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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