Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
