A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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