You smell like stripper and shame
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
