As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize