I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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