just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
