YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
