he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Found your dick twin last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
