Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
