so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
