this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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