Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
