he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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